In the book, Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive, Dr. Recommended Reading: Answering My Kids' Questions About My Less-Than-Stellar YouthĬhild psychiatrist Dan Siegel suggests that parenting gives us the opportunity to reflect on our own early experiences as we create a loving bond with our children. But what if our early experiences were less than ideal and we didn’t have “good enough parents”?
We unconsciously internalize a model of how to be a parent as we are growing up. The underlying assumption of attachment theory is that the quality of our early attachments profoundly influences how we behave as adults. When a child’s needs are met, they are free to explore and learn, contributing to optimal development and emotional well-being. We can say that a child is securely attached when expectations for comfort and relief from distress are met in a timely and appropriate manner. "A difficult childhood doesn’t mean that you are bound to re-create negative interactions with your own children."Īccording to attachment theory, we have a pretty good idea of how relationships work by the end of our first year based on how our parents or primary caregivers responded to our needs. It is from our earliest childhood experiences and interactions that we learn about emotional connections. It makes sense that the person we were the most dependent upon for our very survival should have the greatest impact. Is that good? Is that bad? The way in which we parent is influenced by many factors including genetics, temperament, social support and the environment, but the greatest influence is how we were parented. " Oh my gosh, I really do sound like my mother!"
It’s bound to happen, those words that you were determined you would never say, come spilling from your lips.